Topical Sermon: Marriage Roles and Responses (1)

Scripture Reading: Mark 10:42-45

Marriage Roles and Responses (1)

Intro.
1. “The Bible sets forth specific & distinct roles for a husband & wife that must be accurately understood & practically fulfilled.” (p. 163)

2. Identifying roles in marriage is rejected by the “enlightened” ones of our culture. They speak of marriage as a 50/50 relationship.

a. Marriage is a 100%/100% relationship: Each w/ distinct roles.

b. There are no “roleless” marriages; every marriage settles into some kind of social & organizational relationship.

3. When roles are confused, marriage is weakened & destroyed.

a. Culture portrays wife as the Leader, the Brain, even Desperate.

b. Culture portrays husband as Incompetent, the Brawn, the Tyrant.

4. God-given roles of husband & wife; and God-given responses to each one’s role. Biblical roles & responses are essential for marriage to be what God wants it to be (Heb. 13:4).

I. GOD’S CORE ROLE OF THE HUSBAND: HEAD OF THE WIFE, Eph. 5:23.

A. His Essential Function is to be the Servant Leader of the Home.

1. Christ is the leader of his body, the church (Eph. 1:22). He loves the church supremely, Eph. 5:25-29.

2. Husband is the leader of the wife; love his wife supremely.

3. The role of head is not a “position” that denotes superiority, but a function that demands work!

4. Head functions out of love for the body, Eph. 5:25-29; 5:33.

B. The Husband Must Pattern His Leadership after the Leadership of Christ, Mk. 10:42-45. Jesus was a Servant-Leader.

1. Jesus’ leadership (rule): Service–Sacrifice–Salvation (unselfish, not pleasing himself, Rom. 15:3; Phil. 2:5-8).

2. Gentiles’ leadership: Lord it over–Wield power–Be served.

3. Husband’s leadership: (Not the, “Woman, do what I say!” approach)

a. Be “great” (megas): Be a servant (diakonos, attendant, waiter)

b. Be “first” (protos: first in rank, influence, honor): Be a slave (one who gives himself up to another’s will; disregard of self, devoted to another to the disregard of one’s own interests).

C. Being a Servant-Leader does not Mean… (Prov. 11:29)

1. Becoming a lording leader, making all decisions himself or selfishly controlling others so he can meet his own needs.

2. A man must have an outgoing personality (“rally-the-troops”).

3. The wife never gives him advice & counsel, etc.

D. Being a Servant-Leader Means…

1. Taking overall responsibility for the direction of the family (physical & spiritual, moral & material, 1 Tim. 5:8; Eph. 6:4).

2. Serving the needs of his wife & family (takes consideration, unselfishness, diligent attention).

3. Cherishing his wife so she can become all God wants her to be.

4. Husband denies himself & gives himself to his wife & family.

5. Husband takes the initiative in the home:

a. To be the spiritual leader: To pray, worship, teach God’s word, discipline, Eph. 6:4; Heb. 12:9.

b. To see that finances are in order, needs met, family is secure.

c. To ask forgiveness, resolve conflict & enhance godliness.

6. Making it easier for your wife to follow your lead, Psa. 128:1-4.

-[Ultimately, his headship is an issue between husband & the Lord.]

II. GOD’S CORE RESPONSE OF THE WIFE TO THE HUSBAND’S ROLE: SUBMISSION, Eph. 5:22-24; 1 Pet. 3:1-2, 5-6.

A. She Willingly Puts Herself Under His Leadership.

1. Action of the will; respectful & holy & good conduct (3:2, 5-6).

2. Obey his leadership, 1 Pet. 3:6; Tit. 2:5. “A voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, & carrying a burden.”

3. Submission is not her role; it is her response to the husband’s role as a servant-leader.

4. Submission encourages your husband to fulfill his role as your servant-leader, cf. Prov. 21:9; 27:15-16; 31:10-12, 28-29.

B. Her Submission (like the Husband’s Leadership) is Ultimately an Issue between the Wife & the Lord, Eph. 5:22; 1 Pet. 3:3-5.

1. Matter of the heart that the Lord sees; adorn yourself with the “gentle & quiet spirit” (essence of “submission,” 1 Tim. 2:11-12)

2. Respect in practice, Eph. 5:33.

a. “But he won’t lead” – Then he will answer to God.

b. God didn’t say, in that case, wife can lead! (1 Pet. 3:1-2)

Conclusion

1. Role of servant-leader (headship) never means asking your wife to disobey God.

2. Response of submission never means putting husband before God.

3. Each role & response is intended to fulfill Scripture, honor God & bless your marriage.

-Adapted from Preparing for Marriage, Dennis Rainey, editor, pp. 163-173